Apparently, young 'uns become Jedi Knights in a sort of union contract deal where they learn from an elder Jedi. There is a Master, and an apprentice, or "Padawan." ("Well, ya see son, first yoose join the Jedi Local 108 an' start out as a Padawan. Then you do shit work fer a couple o' years, like cleanin' 'droids and emptin' Yoda's spit bucket. Den, after yoose show you can do a good job killin' clone warriors -- NEVER ON HOLIDAYS EXCEPTIN' YOU GET TIME-AND-A-HALF NOW! -- then yoose become a Jedi Master.")
Well folks, I would be happy to be someone's "Yard Padawan." Being a relatively new homeowner, I now have a yard. And I have NO IDEA what's weeds and what ain't. Oh sure, the roses I can tell what they are. But the rest of the plants growing in front of our house that have been planted by previous owners? What the hell IS all that stuff?
I need a Yard Master who will say: "Young Padawan, why are you letting this scheiss-grass and ugly-weed grow amongst the roses and flowering sage? Focus, my young apprentice...search your feelings and you will know which big, healthy green growing things are actually plants from...THE DARK SIDE!"
Yeah, okay, I guess I could get a book or something.
And finally...
"The dark side is a pathway to hedgehog slaughtering abilities that many believe to be...unnatural."
5 comments:
First, my child, you must labor over the book. Then, you must invite me to visit. I will then be able to instruct you, Grasshopper, on which of your plants are expensive and which grow wild. Also on which of your yard denizens you may eat of, without the gagging and the spitting out. --T.
The ones that are growing most vigorously are the weeds.
Argotnaut is right. I was thinking the same thing before I finished reading.
To Tavia: Were you referring to Frinkenstein gagging and spitting out or to Buddy, Cookie, and Buster gagging and spitting out?
--Devon
I WAS referring to Frinkenstein, but you could be right abut the others. Most pets have better sense– they only eat stuff that makes them gag and spit up on purpose. --Tavia
It's a little late now, seeing as how you'll be here so soon and all, but I just remembered that the nice lady across the street (can't remember her name) is very yardwork-oriented and would be thrilled to offer advice.
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